When I was about 16, I remember reading Hebrews and writing in the margin of my Bible that "disobedience = unbelief." I don't have that Bible anymore, though I wish I did, but I can still see my own handwriting there and remember how it had dawned on me.

My unbelief leads to my disobedience. Like Sarah gave Hagar to Abraham...I too have a lack of faith and end up with my own set of problems because of that.

I want to be better, but lately I feel so disheartened. Where is my heart? Why can't I believe God's promises and have trust in His goodness?

Lord, I do believe. Please help my unbelief.

Soundtrack of My Life

It's Saturday again.

These days:

I am out of school.

Summertime, and the livin' is easy... ("Summertime" --I like Ella Fitzgerald's rendition)

My best friend is home from Africa.

I bless the rains down in Africa... ("Africa" by Toto)

I went on my first trips to Ikea (overwhelmed and very happy at the same time) and Anthropologie (inspired to really enjoy my femininity).

"I Enjoy Being a Girl" Doris Day

I went to the waterfront with a certain person who is very, very interesting, and that's all I'll say about that.

"Take Me Home Tonight" Eddie Money.

...kidding about that song.

My cat loves me now.

"L O V E" Nat King Cole

I made organic, recently roasted coffee, straight from Africa.

"Just Enough" Julian Lynch

Lastly: My prayer for the summer: God, help me to love You...help me to love your Word. Help me to not waste the time you have given me.

Saturday Again

I went to bed and woke up kind of sick.

I really wanted to enjoy this Saturday...and I WILL, dang it.

This past week has been insane (in addition to the insanity of teaching):

-Monday- choir concert--executing a middle school choir concert....can be tough.

-Tuesday- new community group

-Wednesday- best friend arrives at airport after being gone to another country for a year (woo!!!!)

-Thursday- parents in town

-Friday- performance for city dignitaries, plus...parents, best friend, new friend

And on top of all of this, I've been trying to communicate with a new friend, whom I fear feels put on the back burner....

...and i'm sick now.

SUMMER: WHERE ARE YOU?

Oh hi, Blinking Cursor. I'm resisting the overwhelming desire to tell you that I hate you.

You seem impatient, as if you're tapping your foot or drumming your fingers, thrump, thrump, on a table. So sorry to keep you waiting, but thoughts that feel comfortable enough to share are scant today, and I am nursing my fatigued mind with trivialities.

I really did try this morning to think on substantial things, and I may resume that oh-so-important theology book soon enough. Perhaps that would provide me with enough words to regurgitate onto this page--though I know your blinking will never stop, friend... We have that in common. That sense of anticipation. I know you crave words, characters, really. What I want isn't something I can fully have in this life.

"Set your hearts and minds on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God."

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Am I merely treading water lately instead of getting somewhere? They say, "Just keep swimming." I know.

but i feel like a blinking cursor

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This is what I did instead of reading this morning: